disconnected

this was what i twittered last, five days ago, tuesday july 20 at 21:17. i was on my way home. the ferry would reach the shore in minutes.

i began to write another…

"ran into linda & angel on my way to work this morning"

…but i was unsure how to finish it(!), somehow couldn't figure out what i really wanted to say. so i left it exactly like that and saved it for later use.

what happened very quickly right between these two tweets was i started to feel very sick. i needed to vomit.

i also needed a paper bag, not to make a mess. for that i stood up and as soon as i turned around…

i got disconnected!

i completely blacked out. next thing i knew i was a few rows away from where i'd stood, on the other side, on my left butt, my legs in midair.

a lady was very concerned, crying for help, asking if i was okay. i sat myself up. i explained i was perhaps a little too tired.

the moment she and her companions walked me up to the pier, i have to be honest with you, i was sweating cold sweat all over. ("he's very cold," the guy said.)

still i resisted their idea of getting medical help, reassured them that i should feel alright after a few minutes of sitting-down. the same i said to the passersby. i called uwe and told him the situation and confirmed that i'd be home for dinner soon afterwards.

a few minutes later i changed my position: i lay down on the stairs step.

another round of minutes later i changed my mind: i waved a policeman over. i didn't know by that i would've committed myself to my first hospital stay, for three days.

the direction of my evening changed by 180° — well within twenty minutes, i believe.

then there were those 3 days… what went on during that time is going to be another entry.

「是卓韻芝使我做的!」

last sunday, james asked me what i usually did on a holiday.

first of all, let me explain, i don't get so many free days now to begin with.

i said, well, not much.  it was rather pointless to go into the detail of this near nothingness.

then, i cranked up the urgency of the situation and remarked...

"you know, i think i've genuinely entered a phase which i can sum it all up with one word - uninspired.  i'm totally uninspired."

was there anything i'd want to do (if or when i was inspired again?!), he wanted to know.

yes, "creative things."

he said, at least it's not as bad as not knowing what to want to do...

we both agreed the hardest part was to get off your butt, taking the first step.  like the reluctance he faced every time he was going to tidy up and clean his home, he gave me an example.

before i knew what was to follow, james "the instant motivation doctor" out of his pocket gave me a prescription: cheukwanchi.blogspot.com.

his pitch was that vincci cheuk was again trying to top herself, this time by giving herself "homework" - her "born to be a witness" art project, to be precise.

one of my sisters is a big fan of hers, and used to make (!) everyone in the family read her books.  at the end i surrendered and read a comic book of her "芝see菇bi" (GCgoobi) characters, about them opening a café (according to my sis).  the book was okay, but its recommendation also proved the unchanging danger of overpraising...

---

that late afternoon on my way home i took a surprise detour to meet d•fung & ahko.  we went to check out a music store, then to an exhibition organized by a local entertainment magazine celebrating its fortieth anniversary, where an original drawing by ahko was on display.

i told them my conversation with james.  d•fung later said ahko had been unusually chatty during our dinner.

the way ahko talked to me... he almost became an "alt" alternative-mentor.  honestly, i have been desperately needing someone to give me a good kick at my behind.  although he only gave me a very kind light kick, still, two nights ago i already began to give up my grand plan of micro-cataloging my photographic work (at least for now) by putting aside (deleting!!) the basic foundation i'd prepared for the scheme earlier.

i thank them for their valuable tips.  i am going forward, albeit slowly.

---

i may not wholly agree with what vincci does - i have become a regular at her blog, by the way - but i do wholly admire the way she does it and the inner-energy she possesses.  i would even unabashfully admit: i'd love to have some of her drive...

for that i've given myself a "valid excuse," to be wild, to dare again.  when you next see me making something crazy, i would proclaim that "it's vincci who makes me do it!" (「是卓韻芝使我做的!」)

i'm only using her as a good reason...  i thank her for pushing me.

for the time being, just you wait for the crazily good something starting to come from this direction...

[this picture of an original drawing by ahko on display was taken at the "《明報周刊》40周年" exhibition at seibu department store in tsimshatsui, hongkong on sunday september 21 2008.]

what's it all about?

what am i going to write here?  i don't know, except that i'm sure it's not about death or dying.

it was last saturday.  i fired up the browser, opened a few tabs checking out the usual places.  at my very first glance there was a top-center picture of barack obama and tim russert at the front page of the new york times and i naturally thought, so obama was coming up on meet the press...

when i finally returned to the times and saw the few words above that photo, i was so shocked i slowly said those words out loud, with a question mark lingered in my voice.  strangely, nobody around at work seemed to have noticed the noise i just made.  still, "tim russert is dead"??!

although i don't consider myself a fan, russert would automatically have my ears whenever he was there to say something.  you could feel it - the passion he had for what he did.

i don't pretend to know the answer; what i think is a passing like this reminds us to question how one is to live.

it was the same with sydney pollock.

i haven't seen so many of his works, but i was always delighted to see him appearing in the ones i have, either in front of the camera or behind the scene.  there were occasions when a film caught my attention and i later found that it was associated with him, as if he was always in my way, for good reasons.

people like them are after something - a quest, like unveiling the truth, conquering the highest mountain, or simply answering their calling they've heard all along.  and the energy given off of their pursuit does affect others.

today, to me, their devotion proves that we don't have to give up our dreams, bury our believes, and surrender to the system.  our future is really in our own hands, and the only way to ensure a chance to realize your vision, is to put your thoughts into action.

it doesn't sound so difficult, does it?!

[image above is the front page of nytimes.com as of 23:29 friday june 13 2008.]

sticky and sweet

the moment i heard of the sticky & sweet tour, i thought of - actually, more like daydreamed of - ah, new york...

(it's not like it's never happened before.  one time, miles away, months ahead, fought online and got myself a ticket hoping to see springsteen, as if i was betting without caring about losing.)

then the following morning i received the most efficient email ever: the message was empty!!  only the subject line screamed, "do you want to see Madanna [sic] this fall?!!!"

this year i promise myself to go out and see more.  it started locally with 林志美 samantha lam, 劉美君 prudence liew [concert photo sets here, here & here] and denyce graves.

i honestly don't know how serious this quiet invitation is but it's got me very excited nonetheless.  where is madonna gonna take me?!

(by the way, her new album is indeed toothachely sweet, the kind of pop that's so hard to resist.)

until this little dream comes true, now i am peacefully awaiting an evening with 盧冠廷 lowell lo...

[these pictures of 劉美君 prudence liew - some with special guest 林憶蓮 sandy lam - were taken during her "大開色界演唱會2008" in hongkong coliseum in hunghom, hongkong on sunday april 20 2008.]

how was your journey home? / energy high 2008

this january was the fastest month i've ever lived.  february was a little better; perhaps it's shorter to begin with and buffered by a ten-day break during chinese new year.  march?...

i think this is quite "unique" - i'm blogging about something that didn't happen three days ago, not three weeks ago, but almost three months ago!

---

a small bunch of us gathered on the last day of last year.  it was very cold but in a nice way.  remember?

we drank, we ate, we laughed; we had music all through the evening and even had a special treat of some private pictures freshly taken in egypt!

i was a little nervous, being one of the hosts.  but i don't know about you, i had a great time!

of course i didn't let anyone leave before midnight!  we had to wait for that perfect moment to have our share of champagne.  we did manage to make a lot of noise with our glasses and our laughter.

at the end of it all, i walked you to the pier... how was your journey home?


"letter (of no return)" venus:  yes, we must've met a few times before, very briefly, but that didn't make meeting you this time less exciting.  the fact that we've heard so many good things about you, it almost felt like meeting a celebrity.  you automatically became our special guest.

"don't" s·w:  i welcomed the idea of a german yoghurty wine drink; what was it called again?...  (how do you like your personalized "definitive collection" afterall?)

"(悲しみに)sayonara" uwe:  you simply deserve a standing ovation for feeding us with your culinary creations.  your days of effort were well tasted and received...  i know this is unreasonable, but we'd love you to spend more time with us, outside the kitchen.

"call" maggie:  life's too short to wait literally years to see a friend, don't you think?  i want to visit you at facebook, it's just that i'm not a member...  now, would you cohost a bowling party with me, please?

"really" k·k:  your ipod left the party fully charged, did you?  your presence lit up the air...  and you know, uwe always loves you.

"night" abi:  you're our pleasant surprise, bringing the egyptian aura to us, one day after returning from your holiday.  it's very brave of you to share many of your private photos with us, unedited!  it wasn't hard to fall in love with your "handsome boy" right then and there.  and i hope you have not thrown away your ipod touch - just upgrade its software this june.

"大(切なあなた)" ahko:  you're stuck in the corner and got so hot, you turned red!  poor ahko.  i would've thought on a cold winter's night, people would fight to sit where you did...  by the way, you're not wearing eason's style anymore; your hair has become your own signature.

"新(宿物語)" d·fung:  we crashed - you into my chest! - when it's our turn to give our goodbye hug...  did i hurt your chin?  i have to specially thank you for letting me exaggerate and use you as a bad example during my introduction to our evening's musical amusement.  i must admit, this itunes game of mine was a little on the lame side, and i wish it's excusable considering it didn't even exist a couple of hours before.  it didn't take me long to better it though; maybe we could play it again, this round with your library?

"game" bernardo...

and we caught our neighbor brenda just in time, a few minutes until our built-up excitement could no longer be contained...


i thank each of you, my old and new friends, for spending that special moment with uwe & me.  together we witnessed the going of an old year and welcomed a new one.  ha, we also celebrated you-know-who's wedding anniversary!

as the year gets less new everyday, still i wish we all keep our energy high, like the sky we touched.

pulse of my existence

although i call this my coming back, i can actually hear some of you screaming... "heeeee'z a-life!"  some would still come up to say i haven't posted anything new when they recently looked, it amazes me.

it hasn't been a matter of giving up.  it's a constant question of what, where, when and how; sometimes technical, sometimes idealistical.

and procrastination never helps: everyday i'd thought about picking up the pen again, everyday.

i've gone through many things in the past twenty months.  i was going to talk about what was happening in the society, a playlist made up of songs of "life," show a little home video, write about starting a home in another land, the mid-autumn festival, a home-warming party, unpacking, the period i was separated from my ipod, moon rising, bicycling, looking back to july 01 1997,...

...

now?  yesterday i found myself wandering around flickr, which i'd never done before, and by accident discovered the captivating photos of L1v32tr4v3l.

then without warning, i ran into one of my dearest friends whom i haven't seen for a long, long time.  (delightful pictures, m72 - it's 72, right? - you look great!)

it's truly a miracle thinking how people run into and connect with each other in this vast virtual space.  the fact that this is possible is very encouraging and gives us so much hope.  that's how m72 and i got connected, 10,000 miles in between, 11 years ago.

i may have entered this space early, i'd always hovered around at my own pace.  but i have this urge coming on so strong i simply can't wait to reëngage myself in the exploration of the unknown.  i don't want to think i might've missed something in the end.

this is going to be my home base where i send out the pulse of my existence.  i dream of this place to be where minds meet and ideas amplified.



[image above is of the front page of blogger.com, iweb and wordpress.com.]